I was re-reading the posts I've made for this site and I amazed to find that way before I was arrested for marijuana cultivation - the beginnings of the life I am currently living - I was seriously trying to sober up. It's posted so it must be true. I knew what I was like, and I notice that I never gave up the whole story, and I see now just how nuts it all was... but it was all real. Exactly as I reported it. I am worried that my careful style of posting has been lost in my sobriety, but we'll just see about that as well.
I can report that my older son and I are on much better terms, although I am sorry to note that his mother is gone from this plane. May 3rd is the anniversary of her passing. He is now in the Army and just made Private First Class. He is married and his wife has an adorable three-year old who calls me Grandma (wipe that smile off your face right this instant). He joined last March (that in itself is a long story) and he married his lovely wife on July 3rd.
My Amarillo daughter is also doing pretty well, although she has a cold right now - cold weather this time of year in Amarillo. She still enrolled in college as is her beau, and she is still as unique as ever. She relayed to my on Thursday evening her Six Degrees of Separation from Kevin Bacon:
She met Amarillo Slim, famous poker player; He is being played by Nicolas Cage in the upcoming movie; Nic co-starred with John Travolta in "Face-Off;" John co-starred with Steve Buscemi in "Pulp Fiction" (?); Steve and Chris Penn co-starred in "Reservoir Dogs;" and finally (whew!) Chris and Kevin Bacon co-starred in "Footloose." She was so happy about this bit of information.
My younger daughter, now 21, is still living as she was at 17. I allowed her to live with us (after consulting husband) for 11.5 months after rescuing her from Sacramento (staph infection, hospital, etc.), hoping she would take advantage of the opportunity by attending school and keeping a job. Instead, she just took advantage until the ride was over.
Youngest son is still in school, and working madly to keep his grades at the minimum to pass. He has entered the Teen Zone and it's a daily guess as to what his mood will be at any given moment.
I am still sober - some days are better than others. I finally got the hang of willingness, and surrender, but I am a human being - free will and all that - and I occasionally assume that I know better than my Higher Power. One Day At A Time keeps me sane. I still get God Shots - got one this week as a matter of fact. Husband and I are seeing a marriage counselor in order to learn to communicate better and it seems to be working, for both of us.
Okay - I am actually sick of typing at the moment and I can't find the spell check thingee. So please be forgiving as you read this one...
Peace - just for today.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
FOLLOW-UP TO SK LETTER
That letter I wrote to and mailed to Stephen King? It was returned to me - no such number. You'd think that with a famous person like Stephen King (I even put the word AUTHOR after his name), the Post Office could have forwarded it to him. Geez! So now I have in my file of paper memories, a returned letter to Stephen King. Some day he and I will meet and we'll have a chuckle over that one.
When I was 5
I told you I had some stories to tell. This is one of the first memories I have.
When I was 5 or so, and we lived in Azusa, California, I had these friends who lived down the street, and may have been in the same grade as me - kindergarten. Eric was the boy and Kimberly was his neighbor. We all had these pedal cars - a firetruck, a coupe, and another one, I have a picture - well, it's one of the ones my Mom has and will send me. We'd play pretend - we had these tea parties in the backyard at Eric's. The grass wasn't really grass, but dichondra and we were allowed to play on it, even though it was pretty and too nice for kids (my Dad thought). Eric's mom would make us tea and put milk and honey in it (she was from Sweden?). We drank the tea out of these little balancing tea and saucer toys of Eric's. You'd stack the saucer on top of the tea cup and then stack a tea cup on top of the saucer, until you stacked all four sets. Each set was a different color, red, green, blue and yellow. We also made forts in the living room out of folding lawn chairs, the kind that folded in thirds. They made the BEST forts. That was a great place to play and that is pieces of a year of memories.
Blanca - that was Eric's mom's name. She took pictures and she wanted to take pictures of me once, to give to my mom. I had gotten home from school and changed into my play clothes (1970's and we had school clothes and play clothes), and I left my house without using the bathroom so I wouldn't miss a second of playtime. Blanca caught me in the driveway, and asked me to stand in her tulip garden so she could take some nice pictures of me. I was too embarrassed to tell her I had to pee, so I stood in the tulip bed, both hands in my crotch, smiling as best as I could under the circumstances. My Mom still has that picture, and if I post it you'll see a 5 year old kid, looking sweet but uncomfortable, like she needs to be somewhere else. And I did. I am pretty sure I wasn't able to hold it until I got to her bathroom and I was very embarrassed.
When I was 5 or so, and we lived in Azusa, California, I had these friends who lived down the street, and may have been in the same grade as me - kindergarten. Eric was the boy and Kimberly was his neighbor. We all had these pedal cars - a firetruck, a coupe, and another one, I have a picture - well, it's one of the ones my Mom has and will send me. We'd play pretend - we had these tea parties in the backyard at Eric's. The grass wasn't really grass, but dichondra and we were allowed to play on it, even though it was pretty and too nice for kids (my Dad thought). Eric's mom would make us tea and put milk and honey in it (she was from Sweden?). We drank the tea out of these little balancing tea and saucer toys of Eric's. You'd stack the saucer on top of the tea cup and then stack a tea cup on top of the saucer, until you stacked all four sets. Each set was a different color, red, green, blue and yellow. We also made forts in the living room out of folding lawn chairs, the kind that folded in thirds. They made the BEST forts. That was a great place to play and that is pieces of a year of memories.
Blanca - that was Eric's mom's name. She took pictures and she wanted to take pictures of me once, to give to my mom. I had gotten home from school and changed into my play clothes (1970's and we had school clothes and play clothes), and I left my house without using the bathroom so I wouldn't miss a second of playtime. Blanca caught me in the driveway, and asked me to stand in her tulip garden so she could take some nice pictures of me. I was too embarrassed to tell her I had to pee, so I stood in the tulip bed, both hands in my crotch, smiling as best as I could under the circumstances. My Mom still has that picture, and if I post it you'll see a 5 year old kid, looking sweet but uncomfortable, like she needs to be somewhere else. And I did. I am pretty sure I wasn't able to hold it until I got to her bathroom and I was very embarrassed.
Back to the Beginning
I have been taking a trip back in time, reliving some of my old memories from childhood and the teen years, and I've realized that while I have several snapshot memories, my continuity is questionable. I was telling some of my tales to a close friend who first told me, awestruck, that he'd never heard these tales before, and then told me they'd make an interesting book. While I am not nearly that brave at this time, I did think it might be interesting to write down the tales of my life that I can remember and try to put them in some kind of order. Another friend told me that blogging the memories, one at a time, might be helpful in beginning this process. So here I am, beginning a memoir, for what it's worth.
I called my Mom earlier today and asked her if she had pictures from when I was little. By little, I mean 4 and 5 years old, up until she and my Dad separated and eventually divorced. She does, though she'll have to scan them before she can send them to me. That may help complete those youngest memories. I remember Eric, and Katie Chilton, and a brunette whose was my best friend when I was 5 - Kimberly. I also remember her always wanting to be in charge. She was always the mommy when we played house. Katie Chilton was another best friend when I was -- a little younger? a little older? I can't remember - maybe my Mom can shed a little light on this one.
I have tried to timeline my high school years, and I am having difficulty doing that. I have jotted it down on paper, as an actual timeline, and I have talked to my therapist about it (various things that happened between 14 and 17), just to get the dates straight in my head. But it still bugs me that it seemed like such a long period of time and, in writing it down, it appears to be much less time.
The stories will come, slowly. I know I have a lot to tell, and I'll get to that later. Until then, thanks for your attention.
Kathy B.
I called my Mom earlier today and asked her if she had pictures from when I was little. By little, I mean 4 and 5 years old, up until she and my Dad separated and eventually divorced. She does, though she'll have to scan them before she can send them to me. That may help complete those youngest memories. I remember Eric, and Katie Chilton, and a brunette whose was my best friend when I was 5 - Kimberly. I also remember her always wanting to be in charge. She was always the mommy when we played house. Katie Chilton was another best friend when I was -- a little younger? a little older? I can't remember - maybe my Mom can shed a little light on this one.
I have tried to timeline my high school years, and I am having difficulty doing that. I have jotted it down on paper, as an actual timeline, and I have talked to my therapist about it (various things that happened between 14 and 17), just to get the dates straight in my head. But it still bugs me that it seemed like such a long period of time and, in writing it down, it appears to be much less time.
The stories will come, slowly. I know I have a lot to tell, and I'll get to that later. Until then, thanks for your attention.
Kathy B.
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