FRIDAY NIGHT FEVER
Traditionally this would be the night of the week when I would come home with a six pack of Corona, roll a fattie and burn one while I drank the other.
Not this Friday...This Friday I attended my first DIVERSION Class, lead by Betty ("Da Bomb"), 73 years old, 26 years clean and sober. After three hours, talking and videos, I can begin to see that I have a problem facing a certain reality and that I use marijuana as a 'numbing'. We watched a video by Bradshaw (Dad gave me this tape years ago and it sits in the cabinet collecting dust. Today I watch it) on the Family - this one was titled "The Bad Child". I am learning there is a reason I am the way I am and that I can change me for the better. It's amazing....we talked about how potential is diminished when drugs and alcohol are used to 'enhance' life. Imagine what I could do without drugs, if I am as accomplished as I am with them.
Sky's the limit baby!
I did flush one last bud down the toilet this morning. It was 'calling' me. I could have given it back to Husband, but that would be later and I'd have to admit that I took it.
I need to keep me real - rigorous honesty is much harder than it sounds.
Ciao
Saturday, June 07, 2003
Thursday, June 05, 2003
LIFE ON THE EDGE
Slipped again - for several weeks this time. So now I get to "live life on the edge" until my first urine test in Diversion. I had three days and then I smoked this morning. SHIT! I have discovered that I have more of a problem than I thought.
Tonight I attended my very first Marijuana Anonymous meeting. I was very nervous. There were five boys in the group - I say boys because the oldest of these five couldn't have been older than 16. There were others - twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings... I couldn't speak becuase i have less than 24 hours sober. I did get a chip for showing up. It is pink.
Three women gave me their phone numbers. I may actually call them.
I have a problem living life without marijuana. I heard a lot of very helpful things tonight.
When I got home I asked Husband to please hide his weed. I told him that I was not out to 'reform' anyone else, but if he chose to continue smoking, I would appreciate the support of not being able to find it myself. He agreed. I will work on me. I need to be less apologetic to him about my situation. I am not inconveniencing him - I am repairing me.
Slipped again - for several weeks this time. So now I get to "live life on the edge" until my first urine test in Diversion. I had three days and then I smoked this morning. SHIT! I have discovered that I have more of a problem than I thought.
Tonight I attended my very first Marijuana Anonymous meeting. I was very nervous. There were five boys in the group - I say boys because the oldest of these five couldn't have been older than 16. There were others - twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings... I couldn't speak becuase i have less than 24 hours sober. I did get a chip for showing up. It is pink.
Three women gave me their phone numbers. I may actually call them.
I have a problem living life without marijuana. I heard a lot of very helpful things tonight.
When I got home I asked Husband to please hide his weed. I told him that I was not out to 'reform' anyone else, but if he chose to continue smoking, I would appreciate the support of not being able to find it myself. He agreed. I will work on me. I need to be less apologetic to him about my situation. I am not inconveniencing him - I am repairing me.
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