Damn! I was too tired to Blog last night. I watched 'The Sum of All Fears' instead. Hindsight is 20/20: I would not recommend this movie as a 'right before dropping off to sleep' movie. Spouse had evil dreams all night. Oops.

Had lunch with Friend yesterday. We hadn't had 'time' in a while. I wanted to catch-up and Friend is goint through a divorce. I was asking questions, as a concerned friend and for topic matter: Do the kids know what's going on? Do they know why Friend is sleeping downstairs? Are there family dicussions (as these are very important to the integrity of the family - having been there, on both sides and all). Friend asked that we change the subject as it was bringing Friend down. Okay, we discussed my college plans, Friend's restoration project and an upcoming concert Friend and Friend's love interest are going to attend. It was a nice lunch but I am concerned that we will not lunch again, if I bring up the divorce thing. hmmmmm

WORK: Yesterday was a bear. I took just enough time to have lunch with Friend; otherwise, it was work for 9 hours straight and home to crash.

Okay - fine - I can't post. Error:503, whatever that is...

Saw Dr. D this evening. Told him all my big plans (college), my fears (college), my daily goal of getting it together ('it' being my shit, of course).

I had a pretty good day. Hooked up with an old friend ("Friend"). Friend was on hiatus (sp?); okay, I placed Friend on hiatus. Friend was becoming friends with someone I don't trust my secrets to ("Other Friend") and Friend did. Of course, Other Friend told me all the secrets and Other Friend's opinion of them as well. Enough about Other Friend...and Friend.

I bounced some checks yesterday. I thought I had it all covered, but one or two meals out and I screwed it up again. That feeling, the self-berating that begins when I discover I bounced a check. It's like an alcoholic who wakes up after 'slipping'. Guilt, shame, remorse....so Friday I begin using that darn check register that came with the checks. Should be an adventure.

College: I took the Math Placement test Tuesday. I skipped all the questions I felt hesitant about and I placed in Elementary Algebra (Freshman HIgh School level). Hey, I've gotta start somewhere. I start on February 4th at 7:00 p.m. Wish me luck.

One more thing...

that darned New Year's Resolution list.

I have a friend who suggested I write all my regrets of the past year and then burn them at midnight at the end of the year. Enter the new year fresh and free.

I didn't write the list.

I will write it now.

Okay - I'll burn it at lunchtime. Noon. That's kinda like midnight.

ON TO THE RESOLUTIONS FOR 2003:
1. Complete three (3) classes toward my AA degree goal by December 31, 2003.
2. Write on this page once a week.
3. Follow my budget...even if I need to sacrifice for the budget.
4. Spend time with my husband and son.
5. Let my older children learn for themselves.
6. Get to the end of the year with a little money saved.

I wonder how many of those will still be with me in March. We'll see.

My last entry, last year....my friend who is married to an alcoholic. He is not abusive, just self-destructive. She decided to keep him. She decided to try and function even though he is not functioning like an equal, healthy partner. It's her life....but I can't help thinking that in a few years she'll wonder why she waited so long. I'll still be here, accepting her decisions as hers....I think.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I decided to complete college. Then I had to decide what I wanted to become. I had to think of all the jobs I've already done. I had to include all the things I enjoy and the things I can't stand. I like variety. I like logic. I like to use the computer. I like to investigate, research and solve problems.

I decided to become a Professional Legal Secretary/Paralegal. I took my Math Assessment this morning and I am going to be taking the Math Elementary Algebra class at my local college.

I feel like I have a direction now. I have eight more years before my last child turns 18. I want to be able to move forward when he moves on and now I feel like I have a place to head toward.

Feels good...solid....right.....