"MOTIVATION" or "How to make being lazy look busy" - I wanted to work from home and I bought into a health and nutrition business to do just that. Keeping in mind that I have worked in Corporate America for almost ten years and I have never worked strictly from home, I wondered if this would be a task I could accomplish. So far, I haven't found the 'motivation' to remain 'consistant' in my advertising and am suffering for it. Not enough apparently, as I have not yet been consistant. Last night I attribited my lack of motivation to working hard for eight and a half hours, driving for two more hours (to and from work) and not having the energy at the end of the day to go back out into the world and promote my new business.

"Go out in the morning then", you may say, and I have also given that a shot. I have a nine year old in the morning and I spend most mornings getting ready for my J-O-B and reminding the nine year old to continue getting ready too. I rise at 5:00 a.m., sometimes, to get a jump start on the day. The weeks in which I have accomplished this have left me drained on Saturday and Sunday, the days I reserve to do the household chores I haven't completed during the week. You may also say, 'Chores are not as important as the future of the family'..and I argue that laundry, dishes and cooking are the staples of the chores and these tasks need to be completed weekly. The bathroom every two weeks, vacuuming and dusting occasionally - oops, ramlbin' on. I am not a clean-aholic (well, I can focus on it for hours, but...), but I've noticed that when I experience anxiety over this business opp (or any other stressful situation), I tend to fill the time with less important tasks: like packing to move, arranging bills, going on-line to search for stuff.

If I felt I could quit my J-O-B and devote the time to the new business, that would cause stress to the family, as I carry all the medical insurance and retirement stuff. If the business takes off (if I get off my butt and stop making excuses) then these worries about money will cease...the fear may be that deep down I'm sure I'll fail and I am having a hard time over-writing that old programming. Or that I am going to be successful and I have not had much experience handling success.

Self-Motivation - Self Confidence - Self-Discipline

Self.....

"NOTICE OF TERMINATION OF TENANCY" or "30 Days to Move It or Lose It"...I could be overly dramatic and totally stressed out about having only 25 days left to find an equally suitable residence in an over-inflated market on a very limited budget while helping a nine year old boy avoid undue mental anguish. But, instead, I choose to find a solution. So far I've come up with several: motel; smaller apartment; move to Portland, OR (we live in So. Cal); move in with my parents (it was a short, quick death for that thought); rent a larger space with another family; squat; move to Amarillo, TX; squat on grandparents acreage; live in the car, taking only the clothes on our back (and the Gameboy).

Or - point out to the landlord that the actual reason for the sudden, abrupt termination of tenancy of our primary residence was caused by the unruly nature of our off-spring who in fact had since been removed from the equation, each to their other parent. This is the last-ditch effort I intent to make in an attempt to remain in our overpriced, yet spacious dwelling. At least until the end of August.

Then I'm gonna come up with another list of options.

'Nuff already!

MARIJUANA and YOU - Or me....I have been making an effort to say nope to dope and ugh to drugs, but a good smoke is hard to pass up when life is handing me sh%#. But, I reign triumphantly today.

Nails are still getting shorter and shorter.

My son went to visit his mom for the summer and part of me is very glad for the break. He's 16+ and we've had a rough couple of years. Same for the 17+ daughter of mine. She seems to think that if she waits long enough, someone will take care of her and then she won't have to. I moved her in with her father about two months ago, after she repeatedly lied to me and missed school continuously. I gave her a choice: tell me the truth and go to school or take the consequences for her actions. It seems easier to me apparently than to carry this task out. So she lied again, and ditched again, thereby earning the consequence we agreed upon for her actions: moving in with her Dad. The first month was fun for her after 16 years with me. She was living with the fun parent and she had escaped the serious parent. This month I think she is beginning to see how good she had it: her own room, phone, television, radio, food, washer/dryer, freedom, cash.....when she earned it. Now she lives in a motel, can't call out on the phone, complains of her boredom constantly and takes no action to change it. I have suggested a job on several occasions to no avail...I suggested it so she is rebeling by being bored and miserable...go figure. Now I am the fun parent, as long as I come to her and take her where she wants to go and talk to her about her stuff. Not gonna do it. Not gonna enable her. Haven't so far, only her dad has done that. Okay, I've been a little over helpful in the past, but I believe I taught her the simple skills to head into adulthood.

Now, I lay me down to sleep.