Wednesday...have been sick and out of work since Monday. Today I feel much better.

I have a friend who is in the middle of chaos. She might consider divorce. I have been a less than worthy friend. Sometimes when a friend of mine grows in a direction I cannot condone I back off. And this time she dug in deep.

I had to confess to an old lie (silence) and once I did I felt much freer. I have upset my friend's husband though...since the lie (silence) included him. He has become an abusive alcoholic who is into blaming others when he messes up. It is never his fault (he claims). This man, who has not yet attended a school function or personal function of his now 13 year old son actually told a friend that he won't divorce because of the son...such bull*&%$.

So I have offered a shoulder. I sent her an amends about my selfishness while she was in hell. I must also practice rigorous honesty with this old friend. I have discovered that while people have things they'd like to hear - to make them happy and feel likeable --, if those things are not true and only perpetuate 'the stroke factor' (as in we stroked each other and the lies were bearable), then it does more harm in the long run than good. Ya know?

Okay? OKAY!

One more thing...

September 11, 2002: Driving to work...in the next lane is a school bus. I never noticed just how big a school bus is. One filled with explosives? Shit. I was very somber on my way to work.

Nothing but memorials happened this year. And yet the entire world felt like a rubber band, stretched to its limit.

Okay....done.