Last night my husband called to let me know he got home in time to watch his favorite cooking show, but the cable had been shut off (cable television). (Oh, how the s%&t began to hit the fan) He then told me he went to the phone to call the cable company to find out what happened and discovered the phone had been temporarily disconnected. Needless to say (but I will) he became unhappy.

When I got home from work he was upset. Then he asked me to just 'wipe off the icing' and show him the cake - he wanted ALL the bad news. I printed out our current financial situation spreadsheet from the MSExcel program and took it to him. He read the first page (in debt for various household and medical bills piling up = $3600) and was turning red, then he flipped to the credit card page ($10,000) and exploded. He went for a walk. And yet, I wasn't scared. I was not relieved either though. I think the thought was 'okay, now we both know how bad it is, so I guess we can BOTH worry about it now.' I can show him every new bill due now though, without fear, since he knows the worst.

No more secrets now....everything is on the table.

It's Monday....spent all weekend packing. Washed walls, filled holes, threw out trash....

I realize that perhaps I have thrown myself right into the middle of a Catch-22..I started smoking casually...then I started smoking after work...then before work...then during work...while my life became more and more unmanagable, I was unaware, by choice.

Now I am very aware.

Now begins the climb out of it!