Shhhhh... Meditating

I attempted meditation this morning - clearing my mind, resting awake, seeking the quiet center of my being, silently waiting to hear my Higher Power's plan for me today.

I occasionally meditate early each morning, after my shower and before my breakfast. I sit quietly on the edge of my bed and attempt to empty my mind of all those thoughts that try to invade my quiet. Thoughts like 'the edge of this bed is weak, I need a new bed' and 'is that the cat?'

When I pray for others following my meditation - which usually lasts about four minutes - I usually begin with "God, please watch over [your name here] today, and give them everything I want and everything they need." More often than not, when I am praying for the first person, and I get to 'everything I want' my head jumps right to money. I push it away, but it always comes. Pushing the thoughts about money away gets easier and easier, but it still comes. I know that money is NOT the answer to everything, but I also think that having enough (and preferably MORE than enough) would make all the other aspects of life a little easier.

Then, I hear a friend share in a meeting, about his 26 years of sobriety and finally deciding he will not allow anyone to upset him anymore, ever. And he shares that at 30 years of sobriety (30 YEARS!) he lost everything, and finally realized that God is suppose to take care of him, and he can worry about where he will sleep and how he will get food, or he can finally surrender and trust that his Higher Power WILL take care of him. And he has wanted for nothing, nor has he worried about anything since that day six or so years ago. If you met him, you'd know he is sincere about this - he really doesn't worry about anything, he trusts that God, his Higher Power, will take care of him. Because he believes that it is God's job to care for him. And he has been shown his trust is valid. And I wonder if he could have had that trust early on, or if it is part of his process, that he had to heal enough to experience that trust, to believe, to realize.

And I think, Wow!, to actually, sincerely allow God to take care of the outcome, to trust that all will be well, that's growth. And I could have that now, instead of waiting another 25 years. Am I ready to place complete trust in my Higher Power, to set aside fear, and mistrust, and worry, leaving all the outcome to my Higher Power, and get on with the business of living, and serving?

All I have is today, and today I can choose to let God handle the outcome. Just for today.

So, as you can see, meditating for even four minutes is quite an accomplishment for me. I hope to work up to five minutes sometime soon.